Chores and your marriage

Clean Duster Man Cleaner Aloft Raise Mop FOne of the big complaints I hear from my customers that are married is about the issue of chores. I can tell you from my own 30-year marriage the matter of chores was a huge deal in contributing to the conclusion of the marriage.
I clearly remember the problem that’broke the camel’s back’ My ex-husband desired to have our big Thanksgiving dinner at our house rather than at my parents’ house, and that I was all for it IF he promised to help. My experience in the past was that I ended up doing all of the work and was too tired to actually enjoy the dinner, whereas if it was in my parents’ house, I knew that my dad was an equal contributor regarding family occasions. “I want your help.” He smirked at me, going to his standard immunity, and walked off. I felt crushed, and my inner child was upset with me which I had thought him when he so frequently either forgot what he’d said or went into immunity.
That is the day I moved out of our bedroom and into my upstairs art attic. “I am not going to spend some more time with you till you can be loving and caring for three months,” I told him. Previously he could do it for a week or so and then would return to being angry and resistant.
Obviously, the issue about chores was not our only problem, but it was indicative of the underlying issues, which were a lack of caring and respect toward me, and frequently treating me with anger, withdrawal, sarcasm, and projection – accompanied by the crazy-making of denying that he had been doing such things, and blaming me rather.
Doing Chores Together Can Produce Intimacy
Recent research suggests that couples who do chores together, instead of 1 individual doing more actions, or dividing the chores, have more psychological and physical intimacy. Doing chores alone can be lonely, while performing them together can be a time of fun, affection and sharing, and it certainly makes the time go by faster when you’re doing the dishes together as opposed to doing them alone. Sharing chores might be especially important once you have children, since it’s often tough to find time to get together to discuss your day or discuss your feelings with one another.
While the study shows that couples who do chores together have better marriages, I wonder whether the underlying fact is that couples that enjoy being together and have great marriages realize that they enjoy doing errands together. Is the doing of chores together the origin of their intimacy or the consequence of it? More research would have to be done to ascertain this.
Irrespective of which comes first, I’d believe that couples who do chores with a much better chance of feeling connected with each other than people who don’t. Not only does this give you a bit of time together, but in addition, it prevents both the bitterness of one individual doing too many of the chores, as well as the loneliness of performing chores independently.
If You’re Not doing chores together with your spouse, you might want to share these posts and see if you both may be interested in this current study:

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